Body language and posture are hugely important when we talk about meeting women, creating attraction and generally getting on well with high-value and beautiful women.
I was once a chronic sloucher. Not only did I have a virtually non-existent sense of self-confidence, but I saw my stature as an impediment that would disqualify me from having a chance with a beautiful woman. Rather than actively working to change it, I accepted my fate and resigned to an existence of poor body language and posture.
Then one day everything changed.
My world was turned upside down by the notion that I could take control of dating and relationships in my life. It started with approaching random women that I found attractive, and turned into a fantastically empowering process of reflection, self-discovery and liberation.
But before we can lead intriguing and exciting conversations, we must have our body language and posture in order. If we are seen as the high-value alpha male from the start, then we have the advantage of starting off on the right foot. If however we give off a poor vibe from the very start, we will be fighting an uphill battle, if we make it two minutes into the interaction in the first place.
Body Language and Posture – Prerequisites for Attraction
Poor posture and body language comes in many shapes and sizes. Some things to avoid:
- Leaning in – keep your head in the middle of your shoulders.
- Shrugging shoulders – slouching is the top signal of low self-confidence.
- Crossing your arms – not only does crossing your arms make you more likely to let your shoulders hang forward, but keeping your torso open shows a willingness to engage others. It is a sign of self-confidence and sociability.
- Holding your drink in front of your chest – always hold your drink to the side of you. Not only does it prevent nasty spills, but it opens up your torso, which is a more alpha position to take.
These are some of the most common habits that convey low-value. You can sometimes get away with one or two of them, depending on the girl and the situation, but allowing these habits to become a regular occurrence can be a real sticking point in picking up women.
Exercise for Improving Body Language and Posture
To counteract my tendencies toward poor body language, and later to reinforce the new habits I had learnt, I developed an exercise for myself to help solidify certain unconscious patterns of body language and posture.
Stand up with your weight balanced on both legs, feet slightly wider than the width of your shoulders.
- Extend your arms out at your sides at the level of your shoulders. Make sure your hands are palms-forward and behind your shoulders.
- Lower your arms to your sides, ensuring that they remain behind the seams running down the sides of your trousers.
- As you do this, feel your shoulders slide back, your chest stick out, your gut come in and your chin rise.
- You can practise this to make it automatic by consciously tugging with the tips of your thumbs at the outer edges of your back pockets when you are standing up.
Many people preach that you should never put your hands in your pockets. I think that it is okay and even good to get into the habit of putting your hands in your back pockets, as it can improve your posture and keep your torso open. So front pockets no, back pockets yes.
Body Language – People Are Animals
As for your body language, remember that people, like animals, have subconscious reactions to body language. Making a quick, sudden movement in front of an unfamiliar dog will frighten the animal and perhaps incite it to attack in self-defense. Your girl might not literally go for the throat, but you are guaranteed that she will become uncomfortable and react negatively to this in some way. Practise moving slowly and gracefully, even when you become animated with respect to your vocal tone.
Remember that bad body language and posture will kill your game long before a botched opener or an overly aggressive neg. By keeping things tight in this respect, we set ourselves up for a positive first impression, from which point we need only to communicate our personality and value, and enjoy where the night will take us.