Every man wants to be Bond. Few recognise his incredibly alpha body language and posture.

Body language and posture are hugely important when we talk about meeting women, creating attraction and generally getting on well with high-value and beautiful women.

I was once a chronic sloucher. Not only did I have a virtually non-existent sense of self-confidence, but I saw my stature as an impediment that would disqualify me from having a chance with a beautiful woman. Rather than actively working to change it, I accepted my fate and resigned to an existence of poor body language and posture.

Then one day everything changed.

My world was turned upside down by the notion that I could take control of dating and relationships in my life. It started with approaching random women that I found attractive, and turned into a fantastically empowering process of reflection, self-discovery and liberation.

But before we can lead intriguing and exciting conversations, we must have our body language and posture in order. If we are seen as the high-value alpha male from the start, then we have the advantage of starting off on the right foot. If however we give off a poor vibe from the very start, we will be fighting an uphill battle, if we make it two minutes into the interaction in the first place.

Body Language and Posture – Prerequisites for Attraction

Leaning in projects a vulnerable and beta position in the interaction.

Poor posture and body language comes in many shapes and sizes. Some things to avoid:

• Leaning in – keep your head in the middle of your shoulders.
• Shrugging shoulders – slouching is the top signal of low self-confidence.
• Crossing your arms – not only does crossing your arms make you more likely to let your shoulders hang forward, but keeping your torso open shows a willingness to engage others. It is a sign of self-confidence and sociability.
• Holding your drink in front of your chest – always hold your drink to the side of you. Not only does it prevent nasty spills, but it opens up your torso, which is a more alpha position to take.

These are some of the most common habits that convey low-value. You can sometimes get away with one or two of them, depending on the girl and the situation, but allowing these habits to become a regular occurrence can be a real sticking point in picking up women.

Exercise for Improving Body Language and Posture

To counteract my tendencies toward poor body language, and later to reinforce the new habits I had learnt, I developed an exercise for myself to help solidify certain unconscious patterns of body language and posture.

• 

  Strong body language and posture creates a positive first impression of a high-value and attractive person.

  Stand up with your weight balanced on both legs, feet slightly wider than the width of your shoulders.

• Extend your arms out at your sides at the level of your shoulders. Make sure your hands are palms-forward and behind your shoulders.
• Lower your arms to your sides, ensuring that they remain behind the seams running down the sides of your trousers.
• As you do this, feel your shoulders slide back, your chest stick out, your gut come in and your chin rise.
• You can practise this to make it automatic by consciously tugging with the tips of your thumbs at the outer edges of your back pockets when you are standing up.

Many people preach that you should never put your hands in your pockets. I think that it is okay and even good to get into the habit of putting your hands in your back pockets, as it can improve your posture and keep your torso open. So front pockets no, back pockets yes.

Body Language – People Are Animals

As for your body language, remember that people, like animals, have subconscious reactions to body language. Making a quick, sudden movement in front of an unfamiliar dog will frighten the animal and perhaps incite it to attack in self-defense. Your girl might not literally go for the throat, but you are guaranteed that she will become uncomfortable and react negatively to this in some way. Practise moving slowly and gracefully, even when you become animated with respect to your vocal tone.

Remember that bad body language and posture will kill your game long before a botched opener or an overly aggressive neg. By keeping things tight in this respect, we set ourselves up for a positive first impression, from which point we need only to communicate our personality and value, and enjoy where the night will take us.

The post Body Language and Posture – Becoming the Alpha Male, Getting the Girl and Being James Bond appeared first on Evolve with EVO.

Picking up girls with your new top wingman, the Tequila Shot

“Everyone has a tequila shot story”, said Paul. He was right.

I certainly have a tequila shot story or two, but I like to think that I am unique in that my experience with tequila shots has not been entirely dreadful. I seem to have found a way to see tequila not for her association with regret, but rather as an alcoholic mistress who is delicious when consumed correctly and creatively, and just cruel enough to keep things interesting. Moreover, I have found that when it comes to bringing your game to life, an interesting alcoholic beverage can do more than just get a girl drunk enough to plant one on you. The best tequila story is the one that allows you to build attraction by being unique, fun and seductive. Yes, you can pick up a girl with tequila.

Here’s how.

Whilst tequila shots are traditionally taken either alone or with a side shot of sangrita, it has become common practise for individuals outside of Mexico to do follow the “lick-shoot-suck” method for downing tequila shots: licking lime off of one’s index finger, taking the tequila shot, then chasing by biting into a lime.

In some areas of the world, however, there exists an entirely more wonderful form of the tequila shot.

Seduction and the Tequila Shot – Get Her Attracted, Not Drunk!

Here is how you prepare a tequila shot that will keep her stuck on you for the rest of the night – and remember everything in the morning.

Prep

Gather your ingredients:

• Tequila Oro (gold)
• Large Orange, sliced (1 orange = approx 10 tequila shots)
• Cinnamon

Pickup

• Sprinkle cinnamon onto each orange slice.
• Pour tequila into the shot glasses.
• Rest each orange slice on the rim of a shot glass and serve.

To get the party started, drink the tequila shot, then eat the cinnamon-covered orange slice. Salud!

Why This Tequila Shot Rocks

First of all, it is different. Many people have never heard of this way of drinking tequila shots, but they are sure to love it. I have even met girls who claim to detest tequila shots (or does tequila detest the person?), but experience a change of heart after trying this variant of the common party shot.

Tequila Oro with Orange and Cinnamon.

I find that this method of tequila shot goes down easily with little to no need for another beverage to serve as a chaser. This is important when it comes to pickup and seduction, as the easiest justification for isolation by far is “hey, let’s go for a drink”. Women love originality, and rather than ordering the standard lager or vodka, this drink gives you another way to distinguish yourself from the other guys who are trying to pick her up.

As with any liquor, cheaper and lower-quality tequila will be a bit tougher to put down, but I have never had a brand of tequila that was so horrible that I could not handle an orange/cinnamon tequila shot of it. “Malarkey” to the old fashioned mentality of buying expensive drinks to pick up a girl. My experience has shown that even low-shelf tequila can be made acceptable when served in this way…and that includes many a €1 tequila shot, Monday through Thursday at O’Malley’s Irish Pub in Salzburg, my first ever “home base” for meeting girls.

I love this shot not only because it tastes delicious, but because it comes with stories, experience and culture. As we mentioned whilst discussing beer brands, it is always a fun addition to a date or party experience to play the role of alcohol ambassador, and this is no different when you are picking up a girl in a bar or club. This truth applies to any other personal recipes you might have under your sleeve. So consider that when planning a first date with that new girl or guy, or, better still, when preparing for the post-date bounce back to your kitchen.

What’s Your Tequila Story?

Well? Have you got an awesome tequila shot story? We would love to hear the PG-13 version of it. Or just let us know what your tequila preference is, how you find this particular variation, and how you like to make your own shots.

Arriba, abajo, al centro y pa’dentro…

The post Picking Up Girls with the Tequila Shot – Your Two New Favourite Wingmen appeared first on Evolve with EVO.

Felix Baumgartner’s 2012 Red Bull Stratos skydive set world records for altitude (39 km) and velocity (Mach 1.24).

A lot has happened in the past year. I have celebrated the anniversary of one entire year with my amazing and beautiful girlfriend, I have recorded, produced and released an acoustic version of my band’s début album on my own, I have watched my best friend in the entire world marry a woman whom he is absolutely crazy about, and I have stuck by my family and loved ones through some treacherously trying times.

This post is about dating, relationships, pickup and seduction. But it is also about life, learning, the birth and death of the American dream, and everything in between.

Death of the American Dream – Ambition and Consequence

Over the course of the past few months I have developed a theory based on observing and reflecting on the communities and characters I have experienced over the course of my life. I believe that we live in a society that represses the notion of accountability and consequence and instead promotes mentalities of entitlement and victimisation, the death of the American dream. We are conditioned to shun consequence, perhaps because we truly feel we have been wrongly assigned our undesirable circumstances, but more likely because admitting that it is ultimately our choices that have led to it is always a sour pill to swallow. Be it a missed opportunity to approach an attractive woman on the street, or a poor result in the business world, rejecting consequence has become part of our DNA, and the subsequent failure it has incited leads to the sense of helplessness that perpetuates this victimisation mentality.

Yet occasionally someone rises above these plights, demonstrating to us that no circumstances are so insurmountable that they cannot be overcome. Anthony Robbins. Neil Strauss. Tim Ferriss. Felix Baumgartner. Maneesh Sethi. All brilliant role models, examples of people who took it upon themselves to create their own fate.

I am not one of these people. Not yet, at least. Yes, at one point in my life I did reach the breaking point, realised that I needed to improve my dating life, and I resolved to get that part of my life sorted. But I also acknowledge up front that I often let the fear of failure or the anxiety of the unknown deter me from setting out to accomplish something big. At the beginning of each year, I sit down and write out a few goals, things I want to achieve. Rarely are they typical and generic resolutions such as “lose weight” or “pray more”. Good goals must be quantitative, measurable and consistent. The difference this year is that I know what I need to counteract the force of resistance.

This is the most necessary part of self-development and, I would argue, life itself. It is the essence of achieving your goals: recognising what you truly want, crafting a plan to make it happen, and pursuing that plan to its fruition.

German and a Lesson In Accountability

And now, a language lesson.

The verb “to try” in German is “versuchen”. It is, as most German verbs tend to be, a compound of a simple verb and a prefix:

SUCHEN
1. to seek
2. to search, look for

VER-
1. inseparable prefix that denotes a transition of the object into a state, which is indicated by the stem
2. inseparable prefix indicating a negative action of the stem

“Transition of the object into a state” as dictated by the verb “to seek”. This implies a change of state to match the action of the verb. “Versuchen” does not function as to its English counterpart, casting a net or two into the water and hoping one lands a fish. Versuchen means nothing less than pursuing a goal until it becomes an inseparable part of you.

This should be the essence of every goal and every ambition. In his book Awaken the Giant Within, Anthony Robbins criticises the passively hopeful mentality that frequently comes with our aspirations and the so-called decisions we arrive at at the onset of the process. No NFL team goes onto the pitch planning to throw four hail mary passes and hope that they make it into the end zone. They grind through their training, study their playbook, study the opposition, and walk onto the pitch determined to bring home victory by their own hands.

How can you expect to get yourself moving toward achieving your dreams, however lofty and ambitious, if you are not interrupting the pattern of complacency and actively pursuing it, leaving hope to the wind and refusing to give up before you have exhausted all resources? How is your business going to take off if you are holding back? How are you going to meet the girl or guy of your dreams if you do not carpe the fuck out of this diem and go meet people?

Hope is not a force for making progress in your life or in anyone else’s, and until you realise the value of relentlessly pursuing the idea that you have cultivated into a dream, you will be settling for less than what you can achieve.

Your Potential Is Your Power

This notion of merely “trying” to do something is, in my view, one of the reasons why so many people in well-developed countries live in poverty, why so many young businesses fail, and why so many of us dip our feet into the waters of self-development, entrepreneurship and pickup, only to walk away two years later with our head hung and our hopes dashed.

We underestimate ourselves. We undervalue our own potential to exert real and lasting change in our lives. This is the death of the American dream. We choose the leader of one of the most powerful nations in the world on the basis of “change”, but we do not lift a finger to bring change to our own lives, to our own cities, to our own realities.

Change is not something that comes from government, nor is it something that comes from charity or luck. It can be of such magnitude as a rags-to-riches entrepreneurial venture, as simple as moving out of your studio apartment, or as terrifying as going out to approach a hot girl and get her number. Whatever the context, the ability to bring about the change you desire comes from creating a vision, a real and tangible image of what you want your reality to be, creating a plan to bring it about, and then pursuing it until it is not just “your reality” in the abstract neurolinguistic sense, but it is your real life.

Now It’s Your Turn

Many people have an idea, then immediately reassure themselves that “that could never happen”. Perhaps you’re the inner-city kid living off food stamps with abusive parents, as Tyler Perry was. Perhaps you are weighed down by the stresses of your 9-5 job, as Tim Ferriss was. Maybe you are complete rubbish at Spanish, as do many of my language students are before coming to me for help. Or maybe you are just a guy who wants a fun and beautiful girlfriend, as I was when I was younger.

Think about what you would want to have in your life if there were no social limitations or consequential inhibitions. Then think that you can achieve anything within the laws of physics, provided you have the plan, the determination and the desire to make it happen.

This is something valuable to consider as you finish up the first 1/12 of 2013. What is it that you want to make happen in your life?

Think big. Dream impossible. And don’t worry, I’ll be right there with you.

The post Death of the American Dream – Ambition, Consequence and Why We Fail Without Them appeared first on Evolve with EVO.

In the Friend Zone? Say hello to Friend Zone Fiona, our least favourite internet meme.

When we fall for someone, we make ourselves vulnerable. We give another individual the power to make us feel wonderful, but also to destroy us entirely. Some of us struggle more than others with the ease with which we allow ourselves to become emotionally invested in someone of the opposite sex, which puts us in the friend zone and forces us to figure out for ourselves how to get over girl-related frustrations. My response as a young man in my late adolescent years was to cut off the feeling of emotional investment entirely. If I am not allowing myself to value girl so highly that I become vulnerable, I thought, then I run no risk of being hurt.

If only life were so logical.

Just a few years later, this conditioning had rooted itself so deeply that I found myself frustrated with the opposite extreme: I felt nothing. I was never in the friend zone, I was not afraid of being in the friend zone, but I was numb to any romance or emotion, even whilst having incredible in my life. Surely there must be a balance, and surely there must be a way to deal with the negatives of emotional vulnerability.

Why focus on preventing the feeling?

In the Friend Zone – Appreciating the Value of Emotion and Qualification

So you have feelings for a girl or a guy. Very strong feelings, even. Isn’t that the bloody point of meeting others in the first place? Regardless of whether your goal in dating is a relationship, a group of partners, a string of one-night-stands etc, no result will be enjoyable or sustainable if it is not grounded in emotion, being happy and content with the women or men with whom you are interacting.

I spent my first two or three years in the “seduction community” approaching and seducing girls, all the while keeping a strong guard up against developing the emotional ties that would lead to emotional vulnerability and the attachment that can come with it when left unchecked. The community calls this “oneitis”: unreciprocated emotional investment and attachment to a girl. This is how people wind up in the friend zone. Because this had been one of my primary struggles before really jumping into the community, it made sense, right? Avoid the pitfall that was primarily responsible for limiting my success and happiness with women?

What actually ended up happening, was that I grew to be very good at approaching and very good at closing with women, all the while lacking the ability to generate and express a true and honest emotional response. The result was, to borrow a phrase from the fantastic Showtime series Californication, “drowning in a sea of pointless pussy”. I had the abundance, but not the appreciation for it.

Avoiding oneitis is NOT a matter of avoiding the idea of “feeling connected” to someone, or even the feeling of “finding someone special“. It is about emotional investment and validation. Investing emotionally in a girl before you have a real reason to, before she is interested/attracted and willing to do so herself, before she has earned it, there’s the rub. That is what puts you in the friend zone. There is an intrinsic difference between being interested in a girl, wanting to get to know her, and investing emotionally in her. When I was young, I was the fatalistic “nice guy” who would frequently fall for a girl, profess this to her, be put in the friend zone, then sit in a clueless depression when it was made apparent that I was in the friend zone and that she was not in the least bit interested. I had not yet learnt that having emotions and appreciating them, even acting on them, is not the same as investing emotionally in someone or something. Lacking this sort of emotional rapport is what will get you a bad case of oneitis and oftentimes that dreaded “I like you, but as a friend” talk.

The Best Way to Get Over Girl Numbness

So how to most effectively get over girl frustrations, get rid of oneitis, get over being in the friend zone, or simply de-invest your emotions once you have got to this point? Conventional pickup and seduction mentality tells men that, if they are in the friend zone, they must “go fuck ten other women”. I know from personal experience however that if you are sleeping with one girl and still thinking about how much you miss another girl, you are actually taking several steps backwards in terms of allowing yourself to truly heal your heart and get over girl who hurt you. Being intimate with new girls without being able to really appreciate them due to your preoccupation with your oneitis will leave you back at square one. No progress can be made by this method.

Instead of viewing women as conquests as a means of moving on, focus on making connections. Go approach and make real and emotional connections with ten other women. Have genuine and vulnerable interactions with them. Focus on the value they have to offer to you and appreciate that this value is extremely meaningful and wholly unique. In the end you will  arrive emotionally at the conclusion that you probably know logically, that there are heaps of other awesome girls out there, and that you need only to open your eyes to see that there are plenty of other special someones out there for you.

The benefit of this is that when you do meet another one of those really special girls, and the interest, the attraction and ultimately that emotional investment is all reciprocated, then the relationship you have with the girl will be entirely more meaningful and valuable for both of you than anything you had ever before experienced.

Enjoy Yourself

So don’t cut off your entire emotional response. Don’t even try to avoid oneitis. If you meet an awesome girl, enjoy her company, appreciate her personality, escalate etc, but make sure you are seeing relatively eye-to-eye in terms of how much you invest emotionally in one another.

What have your experiences been with this sort of thing? How have you dealt with being in the friend zone or over-investing emotionally in someone? What did you do to get over the girl or guy? Share your experiences and insights below.

The post How to Get Over Girl Numbness – Investment and Being In the Friend Zone appeared first on Evolve with EVO.