Find me a woman. That is a sentiment that is all too familiar to me when I reflect on my adolescence and young adulthood, when much of an individual’s validation comes from his or her lovelife, or, as was typically the case for me in my earlier years, lack thereof.
But whereas some young men employ this attitude due to the need for social approval, for the status and approval that comes with having a girlfriend, especially a beautiful one, by their side, my motivation was, more than anything else, a need for emotional connection, a need to be appreciated. And I could only have this, I believed, by finally getting the girl.
Find Me a Woman – Blues and a Discussion on Happiness
“Find me a woman”. Such an invocation is not at all uncommon for men, and the fairer sex is no more innocent. One of the best songs you have probably never heard comes from the late blues legend John Lee Hooker. In “Find Me a Woman”, Hooker expresses his need for a proper lover, all the while citing his disdain for the one he already has.
How long, how long baby, must I live on and be your slave. You don’t do nothing baby, threw all my money away. I’ve gotta find me a woman to help me reach my goal.
Hooker’s inspiration in “Find Me a Woman” is his own state of dissatisfaction with himself. This is a simple sentiment which we too often misinterpret; we think, as Hooker indicates in between soaring guitar riffs, that having a high-value woman in our lives will help fulfill us. Whilst love can indeed provide us with a missing piece to the puzzle, with an additional reason to be happy and excited about life, I would ask you to consider how a high-value woman will “complete” you if you are intrinsically dissatisfied with yourself and your own life.
My motivation in seeking to “find me a woman” was desperation. It was not until I actually started meeting incredible women and recognising that there was still something missing that I began to acknowledge that perhaps my quest to find a woman was not the entire solution. I put myself out there, got hurt and moved on. I had struggles in my life, but I learnt to overcome them and build myself up. Over time I began to recognise the real issues at hand, came to terms with them, and became more adept to appreciating each individual, man or woman, not as someone to fulfill my semi-narcissistic voids, but one with whom I could exchange value and happiness.
What “Find Me a Woman” Really Means
The irony in Hooker’s “Find Me a Woman” is that amidst his expressions of longing for a partner, he admits that he does indeed have a woman whom he is trying to love, but who is not bringing him fulfillment. What makes him think that the next one will? When I think about my life today, I do see struggles and things I want to work on, but I try to remain focused on those issues, rather than leaning on unrelated things, expecting them to solve my problems for me.
This brilliant song provides as good an opportunity as ever to engage in some honest introspection and ask ourselves what it is that we are looking for, whether as men echoing Hooker’s “Find Me a Woman” lament, or as women looking for the same fulfillment in men.
Leave your thoughts on this topic, and share how this mentality has affected you as a man, or vice-versa as a woman.