Online dating has tremendous potential. Anyone who has put the time and effort into developing his own personal strategy and success formula will agree with that. I have personally benefitted from this way of getting to know people and, since I am no longer active in the realm of online dating, I have decided to share my methods with the world.
There are countless discussions on any relationship or sexuality forum dedicated to openers for use on the best dating sites such as Plenty of Fish, OKCupid and other online dating venues. While these all offer great value in their own right, they are no different from the standard “jealous girlfriend” openers in that the opener itself is meaningless if you do not have the substance to back it up.
In-field we call this inner-game, self-confidence etc, and it manifests itself through body language, vocal tonality etc. In the realm of online dating the up-front “game” is all about photos and profile text.
Photos: the First Impression in Online Dating
Studies have shown that 83% of women look at your photos and profile before they actually read and consider replying to your first message. For profiles of women for men, it is even higher. Make sure that you are using your photos to demonstrate your value and paint yourself in the best light.
Include photos that portray you:
- Doing something interesting: I usually had this one as my profile picture. Find a picture of yourself in an interesting situation that includes a hobby or a skill that sets you apart from the other lads. This could be playing an instrument, at sport (semi-action shots are actually better than in-game footage), with a dog etc.
- In the company of attractive women: don’t overdo this one; including more than one or two photos of yourself with an attractive women can be overkill, and the last thing you want is to be perceived as the stereotypical tool trying to impress people online with false preselection. Keep it classy and reasonable.
- Not smiling: seriously. No, seriously. GET FUCKING SERIOUS! Data from Plenty of Fish and OKCupid show that a man is six times more likely to get a response if he is not smiling and not looking at the camera in his main photo.
- As an alpha male: this is one thing that women look for on an unconscious level, and it’s easy to portray via photos, because so much can be said by body language and posture. You don’t want to come off as domineering over all men; that faux machismo is one way to turn girls off immediately, both in-field and in online dating. You do nevertheless want to demonstrate that you have solid mates, but you also want to portray yourself as a leader of men in the process.
- From a proper angle: as a general rule, avoid photographs taken at an angle of -30° or lower. Even if you are Brad Pitt, the inside of your nose is not so attractive.
- Humourously: funny pictures can do a great deal for you. I used to include an internet meme in my profile. On some sites, such as OKCupid, uploading new photos will keep your profile bumped to the top of a girl’s home page, so I would shuffle the silly memes every three days or so. Go for goofy, not clownish.
Changing your main photo every week or so will keep your façade seeming new and fresh.
You can do some minor editing to your photos with respect to the contrast and hues to paint yourself in the best light (tanning salons will soon be a thing of the past). A bit of artistic flare can do a lot for you. This applies both in-field and in online dating. Just don’t overdo it.
Captions can also help provide some context and amplify the value you are already demonstrating in your photos.
Here are the photographs I uploaded to my Plenty of Fish account. They appear in this exact order.
I have uploaded these for your reference. Insert your own value where appropriate. It’s online dating; have fun!
Profile: Introduce Yourself
First off, choose a username that fits you but stands out. I’ve chosen “Hïpster_SMASH!”.
Each of the best dating sites offer varying means of self-description. At one point I preferred OK Cupid’s layout to Plenty of Fish’s, but I am now of the persuasion that all that is irrelevant in online dating; we can project the same sense of humour and convey the same things about ourselves regardless of what we are given to work with in the first place.
Less is more. That is my most current philosophy, and it has worked brilliantly in the realm of online dating. Keep it concise and interesting.
Show, don’t tell.
Include humour as best you can, but make sure it’s congruent with your personality as demonstrated by your photographs and opening message. Here is my profile text as it appears on Plenty of Fish:
Obviously I include my real name in the place of “Hïpster SMASH!”.
Note the length. My self-description is short. Actually, the ironic dictionary-style self-definition part of this field is longer than the half-serious and random facts about myself. Moreover, the sense of humour and apparent randomness is not at all incongruent with my photos or the messages I send. This is important in online dating just as in the real world. As for the first date field, I can guarantee you that not a single girl who looked at my profile had seen another guy who answered in that manner.
Final point: never talk down on online dating or the people you meet on these sites. It reflects poorly on you, and besides, most people prefer to interact with positive people, not those who talk negatively about others or online dating as a whole.
Once you’ve got the basics of online dating, it’s on to the fun stuff: crafting opening messages, leading meaningful conversations and setting up exciting first dates!